Richard J. Alley

Text and photography for the Let’s Go series of the “Living in the Moment” blog by Memphis Parent magazine

Oct. 15, 2012

It seems contradictory to think of visiting a cemetery as a way to appreciate life, but that’s just what we did on a recent in-service day for Memphis City Schools.

When I find myself with my four kids at home (they having invaded the sanctity of my office), my mind naturally goes to the outdoors and activities to keep them entertained.

My oldest had a school project due and would need to be taken to Elmwood Cemeteryto work on a documentary he and some classmates were producing for his class at White Station High.

Their topic was the Yellow Fever Epidemic and the cemetery has entire sections filled with victims and the nuns who cared for them.

The other three kids tagged along with me and we strolled the hilly grounds. From their offices at the 146-year-old Phillips Cottage that acts as Elmwood’s headquarters, a detailed map or self-guided audio tour can be had for nominal fees ($5 and $10, respectively), or a docent-led tour ($15/person) can be arranged.

There are also themed tours – Civil War history, African American history, arboretum – available. We, being adventurous and of short attention spans, opted for a hastily printed free map and our own, aimless wanderings to see what we could discover.

What we found was a monumental number of monuments to fallen soldiers from nearly every war, civic leaders, authors, mothers, fathers and, to my children’s surprise, children.

The headstones along the winding paths and grassy knolls are ornate and beautiful in their own right, and etched with the names of our city, its streets, neighborhoods, and buildings.

The cemetery, founded in 1852, was among a wave of garden cemeteries developed in the U.S. for the living as well as the dead. It was a popular tradition for families to picnic in these park-like settings on Sunday afternoons during the Victorian era. Today, Elmwood holds more than 75,000 grave sites that include generals and senators, mayors and millionaires, governors and paupers.

It’s a place where familiar family names stand out big and bold – Snowden, Church, Crump, Porter, and Overton. A walk through historic Elmwood, or any cemetery, offers the opportunity to teach our kids a little something about life and death, and something, too, about respecting our history.

Permanent link to Memphis Parent magazine

Cover feature story for Memphis Parent magazine

June 2012

The gradual emergence of the hands-on dad — one who shares the responsibility in changing diapers, feedings and baths for babies, and makes time to be a part of an older child’s school programs or just plays video games with them — began in the mid-1970s when James Levine, Ph.D., published his book, Who Will Raise the Children? New Options for Fathers (and Mothers) in 1974.

Levine, as director of The Fatherhood Project for the Families and Work Institute in New York from 1989 to 2002, suggested that fathers would need to take a more active role in the raising of their children for women’s equality to work, that boys and girls would need to be raised to reflect these evolving roles, and that institutions would have to adopt progressive sociological changes.

“When women became more involved in the workforce, and fathers were acknowledged by academics such as Levine, ‘fatherhood’ became the new phenomenon,” says Elizabeth Harris, a clinical psychologist who works with children and families. “The space was created for fathers to be more involved; there were the beginnings of paternity leave from corporations and the relationship of more day-to-day duties began being assigned and claimed by fathers.” … (read more)

Cursing is everywhere in today’s culture, but who wants it coming from a 5-year-old?

Feature story for Memphis Parent magazine

November 2011

“Oh, fudge!”
It’s the expletive that leaves little Ralphie sitting with a bar of soap thrust in his mouth in 1983’s modern movie classic A Christmas Story. The irony in the film, of course, is that Ralphie learned such language from his father whose stream of obscenities is comic fodder for the film, yet handled as a series of nonsensical gibberish when provoked.
Most films, however, do not handle such language this way, and most movies are available to our children at the push of a button these days. There are parents, too, who don’t couch their language in nonsensical gibberish, but in the real, TV-MA rated variety.
For parents like Teresa Leary Jenkins, the mother of 12-year-old James and 4-year-old Phoebe, swearing is not tolerated, either by her children or adults in the family. Having said that, she acknowledges that, despite our best intentions, everyone slips.
“I don’t advocate him [James] cursing and I always say, ‘Intelligent people don’t curse and you need to figure out ways to get your point across,’ but I do know that as adults we lose our temper and, as children, they lose their tempers as well,” says Jenkins. “I think sometimes we hold our children to this really high standard and it’s better to monitor it and not try to control it but try to help them work through it.” … (read more)

Feature story for Memphis Parent magazine

June 2009

In the June issue of Memphis Parent, focusing on fathers, Father’s Day and men’s issues, I wrote a feature story on vasectomies as a birth control option. The piece answers questions men have about the procedure, the permanence, this option versus others, fears and includes personal stories.

The decision to have children is one of the most sacred and important decisions two people can make. The thinking process should include the consideration of your lives as adults and whether a child or children will fit into that life. You have to question your flexibility and willingness to turn that currently childless life of yours upside down. Finances, education, coming decades of hands-on care, indeed the whole future should be re-imagined with children in it. The responsibility of another life is an awesome one.

The decision to not have children, or any more children, is equally important. Are two children enough? Three? Is one all we have the time and love for? Determining the number of people you envision in your family is Step One in deciding to become voluntarily sterile. How to get that way is a whole other discussion … (read more)

Feature story for Memphis Parent magazine on the Boys & Girls Club of Greater Memphis

April 2009

Vincent Borello is a living testament to what the Boys & Girls Clubs can do for kids. As a product of the East Utica Boys Club in upstate New York, he grew up in a rough, inner-city neighborhood. He candidly admits, if it hadn’t been for his Boy’s club, “I’d probably be dead or in jail.”

Instead, he was given control of that club at age 17, becoming the youngest unit director in the organization’s history, and never looked back. “I could have been a doctor and saved lives, but not as many as I save here.”

As president and CEO, Borello speaks passionately about the Boys & Girls Clubs and doesn’t consider what he does as work. With the six clubs he oversees in Memphis, “we give kids as much choice and opportunity as possible,” says Borello.

The choices for these children are plentiful from day to day: Play pool or read? Basketball or help from a mentor? Air hockey or cooking class? Other opportunities lie within each choice, namely helping kids improve in mind, body, and character … (read more)