“Because I Said So” column for The Commercial Appeal

Feb. 17, 2011

Every other week, the ballpoint baton is handed off from Stacey Greenberg, and it’s my turn to write this column. There is a routine I have come to follow.

I wake up, dress and put on my robe. I then lie down on the couch in my office with a notepad and pencil and begin the procession of my four kids who each have only a few minutes to entertain me. There is singing and dancing, some juggling, monologues and bawdy jokes. If this produces nothing, we move to the cooking portion of the auditions, where I hope inwardly for a small grease fire or slight food allergy that may flourish into a life lesson. It’s like a reality television show in which the winner gets the chance to be humiliated by me in the M section.

There is rarely any clear winner; these kids aren’t so funny or entertaining when I first wake up. So I go to my second source of inspiration, the twin muses of Facebook and Twitter.

I admit this is just to waste time.

Last week, finding nothing in my kids’ repertoire or online, I had the 4-year-old uncover the morning newspaper from the 6 inches of snow at the bottom of the driveway.

I read voraciously for any tidbit, anything to spark interest and relate somehow to being a parent … (read more)